i know exactly why i’m doing this
dissecting my inside-body experience.
square millimeter upon square millimeter.
inflammable,
analyzing how to catalyze the combustion.
i see you in the distance,
i see you sitting down on the synthetic brown of the tennis court.
sitting down with your legs crossed because you’re just fucking bored.
waiting to inhale fumes
self-destructive,
just to burn you what i think might be love.
just to light up a different patch of sky.
a cathedral of bones set on fire.
i won’t stop until i’m only sparks.
the horizon of potential is double-edged
shaped by doubt,
and where my morals lay sleeping in this picture,
where do my rights?
wild and raging,
sickles for eyes
exploring the tall grass of the world around me,
restless restless,
aggression and bottled anger
explosive at the limit tick
pounding on the ground in this hectic one man parade,
no one is watching
but i keep recording
do i keep proliferating, contaminating,
just to let silence mend irrevocable things,
spilling moans,
do i erase myself, mole by mole,
crease by crease, do i flat-line myself
should i blend in with the desert,
regress into a tabula rasa
face the water and become water,
muffled, or clear?
how do i survive without the charm of reinvention,
profaning your regurgitation of life,
dull eyes
always bleeding,knees deep in mud
heads filled with blood
and when you slip outside and kiss her at night,
your girlfriend in your bed,
your three rooms flat,
the USA flag hanging on the wall over your head,
the ivy dead-green in plastic on the TV set
i... melt clots in my throat
an idiopathic disease
the great ache of acknowledging one’s own pain as small
there was nothing we could do for each other.
a sugar cube dipped in kerosene.
walking with leaden wrapped legs
begging for the light-house light to spin your way.
you wouldn't soak a finger there.
you’d spit in it from water’s edge,
keep inhaling high-priced carbon monoxide.
the sky i would paint for you is the sky he showed me,
violet and heavy
but sparkless
